Alexandra + Evan by Taylor Ray Photography

I wanted the wedding to be beautiful and well-managed

Tell us a little about yourselves, what you do, what you love…

Evan is a lawyer, and I am currently in graduate school (if you’re ever thinking about planning a wedding while applying to graduate school… I can attest that it is possible, if not recommended), but before that I did academic research on the California housing market.

Evan is an avid fly fisherman, and we have spent some of our best days on riverbanks, napping on hot grass in the summer and doing squats to keep our toes from going numb in the winter.

We are both big readers and enjoy reading aloud to each other, though our commentary usually outnumbers the text.

How/where/when did you meet – and what were your first impressions?

We had our first date at the Berkeley Art Museum and Pacific Film Archive. I immediately loved talking to Evan; I could have talked to him for ten hours without getting bored. In fact, I still haven’t gotten bored.

We were initially brought together by our love for movies, though I think the first one we saw together was Joker. Evan quickly made up for it by taking me to see The Lighthouse in a historic Art Deco theatre in Berkeley. We also watched a lot of movies on Evan’s computer monitor after buying DVDs at the Amoeba on Telegraph. The best part was always after the movie, when we would discuss our respective readings of the film over greasy tacos or cheap Thai food.

What styling and visual elements worked best for you? (could be things, the florals, particular hire products or your marquee, etc., something the stylist created or simply just the scenic beauty of your location or the existing design of your venue).

While wedding planning, I read an essay that argued for making weddings weirder. I can’t say I fully lived up to it, but it inspired me to add unique visual elements that are among my favourite details. I loved the purple protea flowers in the bouquets; they remind me of the sandworms in Dune. I think you can also see that thread of weird in the silver accents in my bridal look (shoes, nails, anemone earrings) and the chartreuse for the bridesmaid dresses. I also love the Loeb Classical Library copy of Boetheus we got for my brother to do the reading from; the Bible covered in camo duct tape was mine in middle school.

What did you enjoy most about the planning process, and do you have any tips for couples starting their wedding planning journey?

While I was planning the wedding, I often felt I was doing a mediocre job, especially with coordination and aesthetics. I wanted the wedding to be beautiful and well-managed, and I couldn’t envision how everything would fit together. Every time I imagined the grey napkins with the green table plants, I cringed. In my mind, it was discordant. Two weekends before our wedding, I had a small breakdown about the table settings (yes, it can happen to you) while out for a run on a beautiful sunny spring day. My favourite part of wedding planning was walking through the reception space on the day, seeing everything set up, and knowing immediately that it was completely worth all that trouble, and more. My advice for anyone planning a wedding is to know that it won’t always be fun–maybe you, like me, have few articulable opinions about water glasses–but it will be worth it, because you’ll arrive at your wedding and realise that everything is beautiful and exactly as you planned because you are in a room full of people you love.

Tell us about your main outfits, what was unique, and is there a story?

I bought my dress while on a trip to Los Angeles with my mom. I booked a few dress appointments, but I found my dress at the first one, at En Blanc in Santa Monica. I tried on a bunch of stuff–Cinderella gowns and Caroline Bassett slips–but there was only one that felt right. Planning a wedding involves many things you feel indifferent about and still have to choose between, and a few things you know intuitively and immediately are right. This dress was one of the latter.

Evan’s look had a few piscine elements, inspired by his love for fly fishing. The groomsmen wore hand-tied flies on their lapels, custom-made by Connor Murphy (@troutjockey). If you look closely, you can also see little trout on their ties.

Tell us about your wedding and engagement rings.

My engagement ring is from Evan’s family. The little Art Deco details are beautiful, and there is a hidden letter in the shape of the setting, which I find delightful. I actually don’t think I could have designed something more to my taste. I love how this object connects me to the woman who picked it out more than a hundred years ago. Whoever she was, she had a great eye.

I wanted a simple wedding band with Art Deco details, especially after a jeweller told me to wear my vintage ring “like a silk shirt,” so I chose a platinum band that looks great on its own. Like all good objects, I look at the ring and feel like myself.

What were one or two elements that were most important to you both that you were happy to spend a little more on? (food, photography, florals, the venue, your outfits?).

We treasure the photos from our wedding, which would not have been possible without Taylor. We both knew we wanted our wedding on film, but what immediately set Taylor apart was how at ease I felt with her from our first conversation. I’m not sure if the venue counts, since the main cost was calling sixteen months in advance to secure it, but the Brazil Room in Berkeley’s Tilden Regional Park was exactly the right place for us to get married. Evan and I met in Berkeley, and one of my bridesmaids and I have hiked in Tilden nearly every week for the last several years, so it is a place imbued with deep meaning.

Was there a favourite moment (or two) that you will treasure always?

Many! Looking back six months later, it feels like a joyful blur, but a few things stand out. The way the fog rolled up into the trees at sunset after a perfect, warm, sunny day. Walking into the tiny closet room where we stowed all of our bags and seeing a case of Coors on a bed of ice in the sink. Walking around and wishing that I could spend two hours talking to every single person there. Seeing a friend from middle school in deep conversation with friends from college. Seeing the wine-soaked train of my dress hanging on a chair in our hotel room the next morning, and thinking, very clearly, that was the best day of my life.

What does being married mean to you, and are there any special rituals you have that you would like to share?

Some favourite rituals: reading aloud to each other on long drives; Saturday morning trail runs; picking blackberries on our favourite river while fishing in the summer; going up to the mountains in the winter

Being married means finding things to always look forward to together, whether that is a weekend day in the city, a nice dinner, or a night in. Evan once described our relationship as a long, unbroken conversation, and I see our marriage as a commitment to that conversation, to staying engaged with each other, even when one of us has an insane Freudian reading of the movie Rear Window.