We always knew we wanted something outdoor.
Tell us a little about yourselves, what you do, what you love…
Katelyn and I both love staying active as well as enjoying slow days. We have a 1.5-year-old dog named Quincy, and our favourite way to spend time together is walking him because it’s uninterrupted, quality catch-up time and a great reason to step away from our desks since we both work remotely – Katelyn is a director in sales, and I manage analytics engineers. Katelyn plays basketball, I play soccer, and on Sundays, you’ll find us at church. We’ve met our best friends through these outlets, and we’re intentional about spending quality time with people and bringing them together – this intentionality is why we included the five-minute “community time” during our ceremony for folks to chat with each other! Also, Katelyn trains for ultramarathons, and I happily do not train with her but love supporting and travelling with her to the different towns she races in.
How/where/when did you meet – and what were your first impressions?
I, Shelby, moved to Boston during the Stanley Cup Finals in 2019: St Louis Blues vs Boston Bruins. Being from St Louis, I needed to watch, but I knew next to no one in my new city and, therefore, had no one to guide me on where to watch games, let alone accompany me.
Enter Bumble. I matched with Katelyn on Sunday, June 9th, just eight days after moving, one day after realizing I am queer, and a few hours after I started using the app.
After a bit of chatting, I asked Katelyn for bar recommendations to watch Game 7 which was scheduled for the coming Wednesday. Half assuming I’d dismiss the invite (because it was quite bold given we’d never met), Katelyn asked if I wanted to join her, along with all her coworkers, her best friend, and a family member, at a bar in Southie. The notorious Southie. I eagerly said yes and made sure to pack my Blues sweater for the occasion.
That night, we fibbed and claimed we were just friends—long-lost camp friends, to be exact—to ensure Katelyn’s coworkers wouldn’t catch on that this was essentially a blind first date. She quickly decided she couldn’t wait to reveal the truth and went behind my back to let them know it was indeed a date while I unknowingly maintained the facade.
The Blues destroyed the Bruins, and Katelyn indulged in my celebrations so we could squeeze in as much time together as possible. Ultimately, after a night of first—impressions, introductions, and sipping Black & Tans —Katelyn and I were both smitten.
When did you first realise that this was someone you’d like to spend the rest of your life with?
Katelyn and I decided we both wanted the experience of being proposed to and proposing. It wasn’t a race (but I won).
Sometime in early 2023, we both got the other’s ring. We had a 2-week road trip planned in July and an agenda filled with camping, music festivals, wine country, national parks, you name it. In my mind, it was the perfect and only time to propose and be proposed to.
I cooked up a plan to propose to Katelyn on the third night of the trip, in the middle of nowhere Oregon, at a peaceful, private campground that happened to have a photographer on staff. Katelyn was so unsuspecting that instead of a cute, quiet walk to the swimming hole area where I’d propose, she gave me the entire history of the Oppenheimer project as the movie was released that day. Any other day, I would be captivated by this, but I retained nothing as I tried to think of how to transition from the Atom Bomb to proposing.
Despite that, the proposal was perfect, and Katelyn was shocked. I had another surprise for her: a celebration party at our house in the coming weeks with 20 or so of our local San Diego friends. I already texted our friends to say it would be celebrating one proposal, maybe two, but definitely one. There was no pressure on Katelyn to propose, but after a year filled with challenges, being celebrated by people was important to us. So I told Katelyn and asked her if she had plans that Saturday, and she said, “Yeah, that works!” little did I know this would throw quite the wrench in things.
Four months prior to this, Katelyn cooked up her plan to propose Aug 5th in San Diego and texted my out-of-state family and friends to fly in as a surprise, the same day as the non-surprise party I planned for us. So, the week leading up to the party, I was busy with decor, food details, etc. Katelyn was busy making sure my family and friends stayed in San Diego undetected. That evening, she and I went out to have a moment to ourselves before the guests arrived. On our way back, she missed the turn to our house like she often does and pulled up to a beautiful park looking over San Diego and proposed, and it was perfect and slow and very us. We had a photo session and went back to the house because “guests would be arriving soon, I thought”, but they were already there as Katelyn planned – all the 20 San Diego friends, 10 family members, and 10 friends from out of state to surprise me.
Each proposal was perfect for the other; Katelyn got a slow day filled with sun outdoors, and it ended with us enjoying our moments alone. I was surprised with a private proposal ending with all our closest people celebrating us.
Tell us about the vision you had for the mood and style of your wedding. (theme, key styling elements, florals, colour palettes etc.).
We always knew we wanted something outdoor. We didn’t care about all the traditional wedding features. We wanted ourselves and our guests to feel authentically them.
Our officiant, who we know well, challenged us to come up with three words we wanted to embody that day, which guided us through planning. The words were joy, confidence, and authenticity.
Also, we love green, so the colour was easy to choose.
What styling and visual elements worked best for you? (could be things, the florals, particular hire products or your marquee etc., something the stylist created or simply just the scenic beauty of your location or the existing design of your venue).
We loved that the venue was also a small lodge because our bridal parties could stay there with us and it provided a slow, quiet morning, and both our parties could get ready in the common rooms while we stayed out of sight of each other.
My maid of honour is super creative, and she made our branding! It was a very hand-written and hand-drawn style, and we used that theme throughout all the signage and materials.
I loved that our ceremony had a “community time. After the processional and intro, we had 5 minutes where Katelyn and I took breaths together while the guests all looked at the back of their program, where we had three different get-to-know-you questions, and they all chatted and got up and said hi.
Also, we had a deck of cards as a favour! They said, “I went to a lesbian wedding, and all I got was this deck of cards”. We liked that people could actually use the favour, and the execution of it was very us.
We also had our dog there! The memory of him going down the aisle with my brother and sister-in-law is perfect!
Our photographer and videographer’s decisions were very important in capturing our vision. We knew there would be a million moments of us, but we wanted to authentically capture our guests and us interacting with our guests. Mandee did such a great job of this, giving us a view into the experience of our guests, and she was everywhere getting photos. Our videographer, Simonne, was so great at capturing those real moments, too.
What did you enjoy most about the planning process and do you have any tips for couples starting their wedding planning journey?
Planning can be super draining, so honestly, our favourite moment was finding our planner/coordinator. Besides that, once we determined our values for the day, it was fun to think of ways to make the day and weekend uniquely ours – like including a five-minute “community time” during the ceremony for folks to chat with each other! Also, the food tasting at the venue was incredible – it got us so excited, and we got to vibe with the venue owner (a chef!) and her team.
Take a breath. If you’re stressing over booking a venue, vendor, etc., and you’re not enjoying it, take a step back. I was utterly stressed initially about the venues being all booked up – we needed to go, go, go I thought. Katelyn had us take a two-week break, which stressed me out initially, but we found peace, and soon after, we quickly found our perfect venue, Victoria Ranch, owned by the coolest, most welcoming person, Chef Joann.
Coordinator/Planning changed our life. We, of course, think we had the best one, shoutout to Meagan Hilss. But this relieves so much stress and removes unknowns. She helped us book a few vendors in areas we felt lost (video, florals, hair/makeup), but at a minimum, we think everyone should consider a month-of coordinator.
Make decisions for you, not based on what you’ve seen before or think others will like. Wear what you want. Walk down the aisle alone, with friends, with each other, or not at all. Invite people who celebrate you. Get the food and drinks you find to be delicious. Don’t be afraid to change up your hair and makeup last minute so it feels more true to you.
Tell us about your main outfits, what was unique, is there a story?
We both knew we didn’t want a dress. I knew I wanted a skirt top situation, and Katelyn knew she wanted something that was a touch of both feminine and masculine. It took a while, but we finally found, via endless scrolling on Instagram, a company that could custom-make outfits and did so for a lot of queer folks. We worked with The Tailory NYC! They helped us ideate and I ended up with a semi-mermaid skirt and square cut crop top and Katelyn with a relaxed, bamboo silk suit with cropped short-sleeve top. Them asking if we wanted an outfit change was key because I changed into shorts to display my leg tattoos, the largest is in honor of my wife, and Katelyn changed into a more comfortable shirt. The shirt and shorts combo set the tone for the let-loose dancing time.
What was one, or two elements that were most important to you both that you were happy to spend a little more on? (food, photography, florals, the venue, your outfits?).
We definitely emphasized finding the right photographer and videographer. We kept asking ourselves, “In 10, 20, 40+ years, what will matter?” This mindset helped us cut back in other areas and realise that capturing real, unposed moments – our guests having fun and, of course, our moments together – was most important.
We also went the extra mile to find our outfits. We both knew we wouldn’t feel comfortable in what I’d call “traditional” looks, so having a tailor create custom outfits was key to making us feel the most like ourselves.
I know you asked for just one or two things, but another big priority for us was making the experience as seamless as possible for our guests – especially since 100 out of 120 guests travelled from out of town. This meant hosting a big welcome drinks event where we covered the tab and went above and beyond to ensure smooth transportation to and from the venue (a 45-minute drive up a canyon!). We worked with the transport company to test which vehicles could make it up the canyon, stocked the buses with refreshments, and over-communicated all the details about the provided transportation. Transportation is expensive but was 100% worth it to us.
All in all, we have yet to say we regret any dollar spent, so I’d say successful planning!
Did anything happen on your wedding day that you laugh about in hindsight (even if it was stressful at the time)?
We are both Christian, and we know and experienced the often harsh intersection of Christianity and being queer. Excitedly, coming back to Christianity took a lon,g long time for both of us. But we’ve found an awesome affirming community, and it was important to us that our ceremony focuses on how being queer and Christian can coexist in a beautiful way because of Jesus’ love and our love for each other. We met our officiant at our church, she did our pre-marriage counselling and blew us away with her incredible ceremony (she has a Spiritual Care practice @tierraspiritualcare)
Walking down the aisle can be a point of stress for queer folks and folks whose families may not look as “traditional”. We didn’t like the idea of being given away but instead asked our biggest champions to walk us down – one with a set of parents and one with an aunt and uncle.
The quiet morning. Katelyn went down to the ceremony site with a cup of coffee to journal and write a letter to me. It gave her an opportunity to reflect on the day and the past few years of our relationship. She also called her grandma in Rhode Island, who couldn’t make it due to being 90 – a great start to the day!
The first look was a top memory for both of us. I was turned around facing away, and thats when I started to cry! Katelyn tapped me, and that’s really when it hit it was wedding day. We took photos and got to spend time thinking about the day and being in the moment. Also we didn’t quite know what each other’s outfits looked like, so it was so cool to see that come together.
During the ceremony, it was fun to look out at the beautiful view of the canyons. Katelyn remembers seeing two birds, and now she always thinks of the day when she sees two birds.
My dad’s speech was something I’ll never forget. He left it with a reminder to everyone to tell people how much they mean to you AND to give earnest thanks to those who tell you that you mean a lot to them.
I loved the music and the dancing! The whole evening, people kept commenting on how great the music was, even during dinner. When the dancing came, everyone let loose and had so much fun – of course, the entire party went nuts for September since it was the 21st!
Also our venue a good 45 min drive from the hotel we chose in San Diego. The bus ride home was SO fun, and the party kept going!
VENUE Victoria Ranch, @victoria_ranch PHOTOGRAPHER Mandee Johnson, @mandeephoto VIDEOGRAPHER 3SE Films, @3se.films PLANNER Meagan Hilss Events, @meaganhilssevents FLORIST The Flower Boy, @theflowerboyco CELEBRANT Melissa Tucker – Tierra Spiritual Care, @meltuck, @tierraspiritualcare ENTERTAINMENT DJ – DART Collective, @dartcollective PHOTO BOOTH Jerry’s Photo Booth, @jerrysphotobooth CATERING Chef Joann & Co., @chefjoann RENTALS Abbey’s Party Rentals, @abbeypartyrents AUDIO GUESTBOOK After the Tone, @afterthetone.co CARD DECKS Shuffled Ink, @shuffledink BRIDES’ OUTFIT The Tailory New York, @thetailorynyc BRIDES’ ACCESSORIES Stuart Benjamin & Co. Jewelry Designs, @stuartbenjamincojewelry HAIR & MAKEUP Refined Beauty Inc., @refinedbeautyinc
